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Today is fired

Got ticketed at a speeding trap. The road goes from 35mph to 30 and I got ticketed right where the speed gets decreased. The cops were parked on the side of the road and waving cars over. They basically ticketed everyone. My driving record is squeaky clean, my tabs are up to date and I have proof of insurance. You'd think that since I've NEVER had a speeding ticket in my whole life they'd at least give me a warning.

I don't want to sound like a whiny petulant brat, but seriously, I don't have the money for this. I barely scrape by as. This could mean we'll have no food for a week this month. I think I'm going to crawl back into bed until tomorrow.
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BTW still doing my food journal too

cookingforthogg is the lj name and it is open to the public.

Recent entries include: Soon Du Bu Jiigae (Spicy Korean Tofu Soup), Home made pizza with home made dough, roast chicken, caramelized onion bread, and many more.
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September Update

I know most people don't check livejournal anymore, but facebook is really too impersonal a place to share things like this.

The last time I had a personal update, I was on the verge of losing my last dog, and was having a really hard time coming to terms with the lifestyle changes that were necessary after my Autism Diagnosis. It has been 8 months since that post and a lot has happened since then.

We did, eventually, end up losing my dog Brennen. The good thing was that it was on my terms. I fought the adoption agency tooth and nail and eventually told them they had no right to take him back and that they would have to do it through legal channels like the ASPCA. I told them they could have an agency contact my vets and I would release all information through those channels. In the end, we gave Brennen up because he was a dog that was not fit for service work. We spent a year trying to get him over his fear of new people and places. His intestinal issues got a bit better, but he was so afraid of strangers that his behavior around them was erratic. After almost a year of working with trainers he was still lunging at snapping at children. He now lives in a great pet home where he has 2 other greyhounds, they rarely have guests over, and he doesn't leave their house much. It is the perfect situation for him.

We found a new dog Sagan a few months ago. He comes from service lines and, other than being a bit of a spazzy puppy, has no behavioral or abuse issues. Sometimes I want to throttle him when he acts up in public, but I quickly realize it is much easier to train a dog that is a bit too social to behave more calmly than it was the other way around.

I finally found a good psychiatrist who has assured me that my extreme sensitivity to medications is fairly typical of those with Autism. I've also gotten a more thorough diagnosis. I am actually further into the spectrum than Asperger's and am considered a high functioning Autistic. I take medications for depression, ADD, and an experimental medication to treat my Autism core symptoms. It doesn't work perfectly, and the cocktail seems to make my anxiety worse, but it has made me better able to deal with a lot of my PTSD issues and other various things.

I've also come to terms with the fact that I really am not cut out for my previous lines of work. Unfortunately, I'm also not cut out for most jobs, period. Because of my sensory problems, I have a hard time working indoors in artificial light, so that eliminates almost every job out there. I also have had to accept that I have a hard time working around other people (also because of my sensory issues). This really limits what I am able to do. I am looking into a few options and selling my soaps in the mean time.

I'm feeling more optimistic than before, but I have to be honest. It is hard. The social isolation that I need is difficult for me. I like people, I always have, but now I understand why I get sick to my stomach when I'm around people for extended periods of time. I find that I have to take people in small doses and only go out when I'm in a good mood. This has meant that I almost never get invited to things any more. I cancel at the last moment, and I know people don't understand. I'm also not a lot of fun anymore, because it has been necessary to stop pushing myself to act "normally".

For example, when I am successfully able to keep up with my "social script" which involves reminding myself to: maintain eye contact, smile, nod accordingly, ask questions, try not to change the subject, stay focused, don't fidget, don't rock, keep my body posture friendly, physically stay facing the other person, etc, etc, etc... I am unable to keep myself calm or to even process most of what the other person is saying. Basically, if you want me to act normally, I'm probably not able to pay attention to what you say. This becomes worse for each additional distraction in the room, which includes having the TV on, a second person in the room, outdoor noises, anyone brushing against me. I am almost completely unable to function in any capacity if I'm in a crowded setting. My brain has extreme difficulty or is sometimes unable to process more than one sensory input at a time. I spent most of my young adult life being drunk in social setting because it numbed my senses and I tended to at least not have a public sensory melt down. So if you've wondered why I haven't shown up to a party in over a year, this is it.

I'm not writing this because I want a pity party. But, I do hope that anyone reading this will perhaps find a better understanding about the invisible struggles some people go through. This world needs a little more kindness, understanding, and forgiveness. If you know anyone who seems unhappy, stressed, angry, or unkind... remember there's probably a reason they're that way. Cut them some slack and give them a hug or a kind word. They probably need it way more than the people that make you smile and that you enjoy spending time with.
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Fig Honey and Almond Muffins

Just tried one straight out of the oven. The outside gets wonderfully caramelized and has a delicious sweet crisp texture when you first bite into it. The inside is moist from the honey and figs. The almond slices give a wonderful crunch as you bite through it.

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Busy Bee

What have I been up to?

I spun up some yarn for the beautiful Ms Evaria. It is alpaca, and all from the same animal. I separated the 4oz baggie into the individual colors, hand carded them individually and then spun them up into this.

I then took the yarn, and a whole bunch of other things I've spun up and dipped them in hot water to (wash them if they were still dirty) or set the twist. For all you knitters out there, this is called blocking and it ensures that the yarn doesn't have any weird kinky twists to it and feeds smoothly. Here's some of the stuff hanging in my bathroom to dry.

And here's another one, you can see my tub at the bottom for scale. This is A LOT of yarn. It is a fiber addict's wet dream. :D This isn't even all the stuff I spun and/or blocked in the past few days. I haven't gotten around to taking pictures of the rest of it.

Believe it or not, in the past, I always threw out or gave away all my hand made yarns because I HATE knitting and crocheting. But Spencer is learning weaving and in the future he will be making more things like this

This huge shawl (longer than I am tall) was not woven by Spence, but he did help. It was a team project where about 8 of us took 10 hours and carded, spun and then wove a fleece that was pretty much in its raw state at the beginning of the day. The only things done prior was a washing and dying. Other than being cleaned and colored it still looked the way wool does when it is cut right off the sheep.

Also, this is a gorgeous old fashioned spinning wheel that has taken up temporary residence in my home. Its been fun using it from time to time. My spinning wheel is much more modern and collapsible but not half as pretty.
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Friggin Home Owner's Associations

So have mice problems in garage. Call property manager he says they'll get it fixed. Two weeks later I have to keep nagging and finally get the direct phone for the fix it guy and get the holes in the garage patched up. Not sure we got em all but we'll see if they stop showing up over the next several days.

In the mean time I'd been parking my car in general parking (property manager gives me permission) so as not to get mouse chewed wires that make my car unsafe to drive. Some maniacal head trip of a dip shit of an HOA board member has been ticketing my car and threatening to tow. I start leaving notes on my dashboard explaining the situation. Also start hounding the Property manager to send me parking permits (I'm supposed to have two and I've been here since around October) as they still hadn't sent any. The car tickets get more and more nasty and they finally leave a few saying my car will be towed immediately and that they (the board of HOA have not given me permission to park here). I leave a note saying I'll be sending them the bill as I have permission to park here from the property manager. They start breathing down the property manager's neck and I get a call from him today saying I have to park my car off site. I explain to him I'm supposed to have 2 parking spots and that I'm currently parking my other car off site too. I tell him he needs to send me the permits and he says... yeah, but since you don't have them YET I have to park all my cars off site.


I'm also told my guests aren't allowed to park here unless they have guests passes. Friggin morons.

On the plus side, my landlord is an angel and thinks this whole issue is a pile of dicks. She's been bugging the HOA and property company to send us our passes and get my garage mouse free. Needless to say, it is making me reconsider staying here next year when the lease is up. She's awesome, but parking here is lame.

Anyways, later this evening we finally got the new passes after I and my landlord kept up our daily harassment of the (HOA cocksuckers) powers that be. I find out that two guest passes we were given are ones that need to be filled out and are one time use only. Are they kidding me? I'm only allowed to have two guests before I have to go through all this again to get more passes?

Also, the HOA ticketmongers had ticketed my handicapped (with a Handicapped sticker in her car) mother saying she needed to park off site and walk up the hill with her crippled leg and cane. What a bunch of power hungry stay-at-home entitled stepford retards.
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